If you’ve been hanging around this blog for any amount if time, I’m sure you’re aware that I’ve had chronic fatigue for 7 years. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know we all get tired, but it’s a different kind of tired (check this out to know more). I’ve been doing pretty well for a little while now, which can lead to an over excitement and a slippery slope into doing too much. I thought I’d been balancing everything pretty well until yesterday.
I’d woken up, at a good hour for me, had breakfast and was heading on a walk with my house mate. Immediately I felt tired, and I know this kind of tired. We arrived home from the walk and I instantly needed a nap. I tried to fight it but within an hour I was out. This proceeded two more times throughout the day. What had gone wrong? Why was this happening? I’d been doing so well and now three naps in one day.
The answer is, I don’t really know what happened. There could be a number of factors which caused me to nap three times. Will this ever change? I really don’t know. What I do know is that I can change. I can separate myself from the illness by going with it. Which I know doesn’t sound like separation but hang on a second. By not identifying with the illness and not letting it define me in terms of what I can and can’t do, or who I am and am not – it means I can roll with whatever it gives me from day to day, going easy on myself and remembering that being who I am is enough, and if I need to nap three times in one day then so be it. Yes it’s frustrating for routine, and being able to do the things I love and enjoy, but by seeing the illness as separate I can make progress a lot easier and take it easy like Sunday morning.