I’m 30….and a bit. Over the last 18 months my legs have turned from being pretty solid, to butter, to jelly, to blancmange. I’ve slowly (but committedly) put on weight, my eating habits have competed with the largest roller coasters in the world, my eye bags have taken on the look of a blood hound, I can’t run without every muscle, joint and bone aching (in fact, walk without some kind of twinge), my mind resembles the mix of a squirrel trying to cross a road and a fish, my love handles have found multiple areas to cling to, my emotions continuously compete with planes and submarines, I’ve been recovering from chronic fatigue and to top it all off my faith, which I hold dearly to, has joined the roller coaster collective. Oh and I work as a Personal Trainer!
This doesn’t really fit well into the description of a Personal Trainer.
Now, I might have exaggerated, somewhat, about the above but I’ve definitely been moving in that direction.. at least that’s how it’s felt. So wait, let me tell you how I used to be. I was an amateur British Triathlete, I worked out twice a day (weekends off), pushed weights, cycled everywhere, wouldn’t drink alcohol, or hardly ever eat packaged foods. I taught spinning class and I’d pull half marathons out of the bag without training, if my client needed me to run with them. I’m supposed to be as hard as nails, mentally and physically, have a no-shit attitude, give you push ups to infinity and work you till you throw up. I’m supposed to make you feel bad about eating that slice of pizza and even worse when I hear which fruit you eat, how and when. I’m supposed to be a metaphorical trophy which my clients can take out of their bag on request to make them look or feel better. I am the pedestalled warrior princess.
Quite frankly this is ridiculous, but this really is how PT’s get pigeon holed (if we haven’t already put ourselves there). I’ve definitely been looked up and down (more than once) when I say I’m a PT, I’ve definitely been put on the pedestal and turned into a trophy.
Alongside the Personal Trainer in me I’m a worrier, an over achiever, a thinker, contemplative, reflector, ponderer – basically my mind doesn’t switch off. I feel emotions intensely and so over the years have pushed them down and either tried to ignore them or only let bits out. My early years “mantra” was, other than “don’t be weird” was “hover just above average as you won’t have as far to fall”. I’m all or nothing. I’m an addict. If you add this to the Personal Trainer, a fairly intense caring profession, where your looks and the way you live your life is part of your job – you can see why I ran into issues. Big issues. Issues which came out of my choices.
One of these, over riding, big issues was chronic fatigue. Since 2009 I’ve been living with, dealing with, managing and recovering from this debilitating disease. Part caused by my choices and part caused by stress, on many levels. It was the realisation and understanding between the physical, emotional, spiritual and relational body being connected which started me on the path to recovery. Not only that but also starting ‘wellness projects’ which are aimed to inspire and encourage others in their own health.