If you have read the my story page then you will know where I am currently at in life, and if you’ve read the about page then you know what this site is about. How, though, did I get to this point in life at wanting to help people be healthy in every area of their life and not just be physically fit.
I grew up enjoying being outside, I broke my arm at the age of 5 falling out of a tree and hitting it on a brick, I came off my bike at 6 as apparently the brakes didn’t work (I’ve hence learned a little bit of bike maintenance, common sense.. Oh and forgiven my parents) and I fell down a huge gravel hill at about 7 as the fence and ‘Do Not Enter’ sign intrigued me. I loved cycling and grew up playing football. I dabbled at athletics but stopped after pretty much always coming last and never being able to clear the hurdles. I tried my hand at judo, as a kid, until my brother and I broke a table. I even tried break dancing and dry slope snow boarding at uni. Safe to say, I love to move.
As a kid I also had a record breaking ability to consume everything in sight, even earning the nickname “hollow legs” (thanks mum!) and winning cereal challenge at Uni (an 8 pack of miniature cereals, followed by a pint of water – don’t try it, there were casualties). In fact my brother and I have often talked about food challenges and have only ever dreamed of completing the McDonalds £1 saver challenge (this should be a thing if it’s not).
So movement and food have been fairly prominent.
Along side that I was quite an inquisitive child, always thinking about anything and everything, pondering the meaning of life, watching films way beyond my years, trying to learn about philosophy and religion and developing my own faith. All of these things were soon to come into one.
All throughout school I was bullied, however by friends, and I always felt completely and utterly different to everyone. From a young age I had a deep sense of my faith yet I didn’t really know what to do with it. In my teens I started running long distances a lot more – I had a dog, it was wonderful. I even remember running so hard once that I threw up (this should have been a warning sign). But looking back at it I see the connection of mind, body and soul. In this time my physical running was to avoid emotional pain and try to control my circumstances and challenge my mind. I continued this theme of long distance running all throughout my teens, even through my eating disorders. Although not clinically diagnosed, looking back I had a mixture of anorexia and bulimia (minus the throwing up).
After battling this for years, I ended up moving to London after Uni and lived with my brother, within a year or so the stresses and strains of real life were starting to become apparent. I’d found it difficult to settle and find friends, who weren’t from other countries, I had somehow become insensitive to lactose and yeast. At the same time I’d just come back from an incredible 3 months in LA, which had fed me spiritually and emotionally. I started training for my second triathlon and studying to qualify as a Personal Trainer. My world was exercise and food obsessed, and for someone who hadn’t healed from past hurts this wasn’t the best. I also lacked community and deep connection (which we all need, for sure, yet I especially know that I need it to thrive). I quickly started to become ill at work, but carried on training and also wanting to slim down, tone up. I was increasingly getting weaker, nearly collapsing in a race and constantly needing to train my clients whilst sitting on the benches, swiss balls or floor. I didn’t care.
After unhelpful doctors, acupuncture, herbs and any naturopath treatment there was, I quit my job. This began my four years to recovery, finally a year and a half into that I was ‘diagnosed’ with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome – it’s a real thing people . Now began the journey into mind, body and soul healing.
I like sport, I like working out, I like running around so CFS, for me, meant I better change the way I exercise as I thought exercise would still help, and possibly get to bed earlier. It has taken me four years for my mind, body and soul to slow down and learn to rest, and I’m still in process. Slowly over the years my body has been learning to slow down, to take it easy on itself, to enjoy more, to love more. And I’ve noticed as my body has rested so too has my mind and soul, as my mind has slowed down and learned to think positively my body and soul have felt energised and as my soul has learned to be open and honest and full of gratitude, faith and hope my body and mind has felt refreshed.
Going through all of this has been so key and influential into every area of my healing journey yet over the past 6 months or so this journey has taken on a new dimension. I have recently come into, what I like to call, healing communities and deep connections. You can have communities and connections without deep healing but these are the greatest kind and really what they were designed for. It is both a place of intense healing and pain which can only be welcomed due to secure relationships, which give space, security and freedom to let those deep wounds heal. It’s not just everything we can do to support ourselves but everything we can do to recognise our faults, let go of them and be vulnerable. Communities can be so healing and restorative and this is what I have currently walked into to help progress my healing.
I’m still in process and always will be.
But all you need to know is that the way I used to live above no longer exists. Instead I’m a lot calmer, restful and easy on myself. I’m on a journey to develop my identity and core beliefs and I hope that you choose to join me and be free in who you really are.